xincity stopped your world at 9:18 PM

there seems to be much being said about the double junior classes, so i will continue in this vein. it also has much to do with a subject i alternately love and hate.
the prospect of juniors always gives me a warm glow. maybe it really is a case of 'ah babies'. you, as a slightly-older-perhaps-not-wiser senior, think somewhere at the back of your subconscious in a fairly optimistic and condescending manner: "hm! some people whom i can initiate! i want to share all my happy experiences with them and make the path a little smoother for them by telling them where all the ruts and rocks are! and they would appreciate it because my seniors *mumble grumble* didn't do that for me. so they will be happy little monsters and do the same for their juniors in turn! this is how a little good thing goes a long way!..." and other quasi-deranged thoughts like that. often, they get enacted into actions. sometimes, there's a happy ending.
imagine my surprise and indignation when i found out that they wouldn't be doing southeast asian history.
among the little paper 2 sextet (now a quintet, but liz, we will always miss your membership), we've made scathing jokes about gloria chan's proverbial sacred cow. we've admitted that SEA hist is for those who 'couldn't make it' for paper 3. we know that it is the easiest to score in (or so it is said). we've said a billion other things. but to cut out a paper just to emulate the school down the road who-must-not-be-named, i think, is plain silly. maybe in a wider context, IH is more useful because 'it is global issues. its not myopic and it teaches you oh so many useful nuggets of trivia and information disseminating skills, etc.', but here is something in defence of the sacred cow.
(disclaimer: the above quote is not my own. in all truth, i am in frank awe of this international history paper and its takers and its guru. what follows is possibly going to be biased, and those who don't take paper 2 may not understand, and that will not be my fault.)
some of you have spoken to me before of your passion for your subjects. you sit there with blissfully half-closed eyes, your features suffused in the soft glow of eternal wonder, and you relate to me a world where everything has its own unique clarity and poignancy. the subject plays its subtle tune to your soul, and you turn and embrace it with all the first joy of the long-lost son returning home. the love is so vibrant, so alive, that as you enthuse, i who belong to the barbaric unenlightened hordes for that spectrum of knowledge can only blink and give a crude 'huuuuuuuuuuuuh' or go 'this is cheemology'.
this is how i feel about SEA. i don't care that i don't understand the deeper meanings of panja sila or that i keep forgetting what the filipino elite class is called or that one of the cambodian political parties sounds like a word used to indicate procreatment. this is a subject i can relate to. not like euro hist which seems so long ago and petty (again, i apologise for extremism) this is the past of my home. i live in the damn region for crying out loud. for some reason, it just seems so much more fascinating than some people who died because they didn't agree with the government and were floated out onto a lake and fired at with cannonshot. its a subject i can sink my teeth into. when we talk about malayan favouritism policies or burmese freedom fighters or french tutulatory aggrandisement, its about walking into the history house and smelling the heady and real smells, rather than just seeing flickering shadows on the floor or hearing the crackled whispers of those long gone. SEA hist is now. its happening all around me even as i write my tutorials and take my exams and read the notes. aung san's daughter is still locked up in her house. sukarno's daughter is in power. golkar, umno, the alliance, ho chi minh city. communism, military dictatorships, colonial legacy. this is the place i live in and it's not happening halfway around the globe either.
this is the closest to regional patriotism as i may ever get. i'm not some super-powered student of the subject, but its something i believe that people should have the chance to do, rather than have the door shut in their faces forever. this is why i stare at euro hist in abject despair; the words don't speak to me. it's like the buzzing of the ancestors in a language i don't understand.
why should our junior classes be deprived of this? it's like being in arts without doing lit. it's like a wedding with not enough wine. it's like an econs tutorial without enough sweets or sleep.
i must stop. this sounds like a rant, and no doubt has a few billion loopholes in it. but to anyone who cares... don't kill the subject. don't take my balm to euro history's sharp fangs from me. don't let people grow up with the knowledge of everywhere except where they were born.
i'm sorry ms. ng. please don't torture me when we have consultation on monday.

liz stopped your world at 7:58 PM

....... and today my junior, our junior went
-liz.. can i ask u a question
-yup
-next year.. will the ah class be called ah gold TOO
-what do u mean TOO
-yar.. cause this year we're called red and blue, so next year what will they be called? gold too?
-what TOO?? they'll just be called 1ah...
-oh.. but... aren't you all ah G.O.L.D?
-whhhhHaaatttt?? HAVE U BEEN LISTENING TO STELLA AGAIN

i hate stella.
she created my user name and
i hate stella.
there.

hallo alvin!! haha!!
alvin is trying to read the blog in school but he doesn't know where to find the archives!! haha!!!
HALLOO!!! and he says that xiangwei writes well!!
see xiangwei!! u should write more!!!

and WOW. joSh rOcks
u finally put up class pics!!

joshy stopped your world at 11:34 PM

my blog has moved! =) and i have uploaded pictures... hah!

hmm. i wonder what the poem insinuates.
ah gold :P lalala. aRGHhhh :) that can be our cheer.
hey i've made worse jokes about our class k.
(hee hee.. remember the one of the shape of a box - o wat a paradox?)
in the days when i played PUNCH the alvin..
to get to the BONUS ROUND. GET TO PUNCH JOSHUA FOR 100 points!
muahahha.

what a terrible game.. i jus wanna punch myself now..
stupid leaky nose.. can't breathe to sleep can't breathe to...
first i get angry cos i don't believe i can do xXXxxxx, then now i'm angry cos..
my body is shuttin down on me.. i don't think it's li bu cong xin or sth funny like that..
but j2 ain't a very healthy lifestyle at all!!! groWf!

anyway, chris seck msged me! haha.
he says he has the dvds for othello and ant/cleo if we wanna watch..
he's inviting us to his house too! haha!!!

david stopped your world at 10:32 PM

we laugh, we banter, we talk together;
we were never friends.
we joke, we kid, we promised to give the best in all we did;
you were just using me for your own ends.

number one number two number three four five
am i destined to be just your prize?
pretenious smiles, cheap laughter
oh well, at least it makes the day pass faster.

help me, help me. this is not a plea for help.
trust me, trust me. no. no thanks no.
because truly in the end all you can just do,
is to depend on yourself, and hopefully God too.

am i crying for help, am i seeking attention?
no stella, just easing some tension
which has been bugging me now for quite some time,
i think i'm better now, oh yes quite so fine.

red, blue, purple or gold,
we, like the rest, do just as we're told.
what differentiates us, what stands us out?
nothing really, nothing much, not even stella's pout.

okae i'll respond to that.

firstly... i think its damn stupid if we call ourselves ah gold... like wah "ah so special they represent our school red blue gold" dont be spastic lah... that will make us look even worse, not like the blue and red isnt bad enough liao.
oh and red is geog blue is history, red has about 16-18 people if i counted correctly... haha one of my og peeps is inside muaha!

why must we split our class to have sji... cannot have one big one meh?? and why sat... lets have an sji on friday lah must be more spontaneous, going for a drama play isnt really much of an sji, must go someones house.. i hope one of them has a nice huge house haha. oh yeah we must include our junior class into our blog, then we can form a blog tradition to be pass on to generation and generation of ah, a funky ah at that.

okae just thought this was interesting haha...

Trapped in a box of tremendous size
It distorts my vision, it closes my eyes
Attracts filthy flies and pollutes in the skies
Sucks up our lives and proliferates lies
Trapped in a box

Trapped in a box, four walls as sky
Got a screen for a window about two feet wide
My mind rides and slides as my circuits are fried
No room for thought, use the box as my guide
Trapped in a box

Trapped in a box
Watch the world as it flocks
To life's paradox
We're all trapped in a box

Trapped in a box I'm not alone
I know of others with a box as their home
Light only enters from a crack or a hole
This is not enough for a human to grow
Trapped in a box

Trapped in a box
Watch the world as it flocks
To life's paradox
We're all trapped in a box

Always wanting a different view
Instant gratification for you
Reality gone in a single click
Just hope that that switch won't stick

Trapped in a box my life becomes void
All I thought for myself is now destroyed
Controlling my mind, what to eat, what to buy
Subliminal rules: how to live, how to die
Trapped in a box

Trapped in a box
Watch the world as it flocks
To life's paradox
We're all trapped in a box

haha... sounds like the north lodge right... *halo*

i can't believe no one has responded to what xw wrote..
aiyo.........................................................
hahaha..what's the point of a blog as a place where u cry out for help (of some sort or another) and no one reacts. haha. ok, i'm jus kiddin. i'm sure some ppl responded, jus not publicly!!! (right?)
sometimes i like to pen my angst and frustration here.. not jus an outlet but cos it's a class blog (and in response to what sulynn said/says) so i like to think my dearest classmates would help me!! haha..sulynn!! u say we don't help each other.. so i keep imposin all my problems on u guys through this blog k..so u can help me!! *teeheehee* that way we can achieve the much loved ideal of being enshrouded by class love... and i'll benefit tremendously too!! haha!!!!! (so here i go..being idealistic as usual.. POO!)

anyway, that wasn't the point. i wanna write about how excited i am to have two ahs!! (i bet xiangwei is too!!) and i think it's been spreadin that we're gonna change our name to ah gold!! woohoo!!! with my big mouth (i said it first ok) and bolstered by kexian's big mouth (ho ho ho!) let's all start callin ourselves ah gold! woohoo!! it's better than when i liked to call us ah babies WHAT.. haha..

ooh!! and we haf so many ah babies!! ah blue has 25!! and ah red prob another 20 ppl? and.. ooh oooh... ah babies nanannypoopoo and michelle lee i know u're so irritated by it but too bad!! bet u'll lag for 100000 years before u realise that i'm callin them ah babies behind ur back!! (jus like how i kept changin the blog title)

ANYWAY..oh wait, one more digression! so i haf this squash junior called iris right, ya.. she's really a baby! she's like a BIG HUMONGOUS baby haahahaha really!!! so she's the eptiome of ah babies.. :P really!!! ok fine, jus ignore me. (i know u're listenin anyway!) so we can play like our own specialised ah angel mortal game. since scone has their funny jack and bean instead, we can haf baby and CYNIC. huh. i wonder WHO'S THE CYNIC. (yes. you! stop lookin away. YOU. stupid shifty eyes.)

o yes yes... so, the point of this post was... to CONFIRM our very first SJI! to support our beloved MICHELLE LEE (the prime rib of ah babies) and of course miss laura smalley and jeanne and kelly haha...so..make it a date!


saturday
1930
meet at acs(b) overhead bridge
for midsummer dreamin'.


quote from kexian:
"justin said that u guys are gonna haf 2 junior classses so u'll split urselves in 4 to haf sji..but joy says u guys will be too busy so we'll haf no sji..."
(sounds so sad right?)
hahahahahahahhaha.

david stopped your world at 11:18 PM

is it possible to mix authority with friendship? can a superior be a true friend to you?
are we so sharply put back into our places when we exceed the boundarieS? made to recognize that we're just but another batch passing through and dissolving into just one of the many countless faces as time proceeds..

should we live a life that we can be proud of or a life that others can be proud of?
should i always say 'yes yes i understand' when in actual fact i don't, when in actual fact i disagree? should one say that just to avoid getting into more trouble, and thus compromising his beliefs?

Immaturity on certain levels...Pure ignorance on others..and maybe sometimes wilful defiance...

disillusionment seems to be the really popular word these days and that is what i seem to be feeling most recently..are friends really friends at all? in the end..all you can trust is yourself. Truly.

i need my own blog.

stella stopped your world at 7:09 PM

i got a joke! i got a joke! (i think)

u think, if somethin had appEn'ed with jon and her,
we could start callin him john LITTLE?

*hiak hiak*

xincity stopped your world at 11:55 PM

okokok. mainly in response to stella and michl, a fairly pointless blog to break the monotony. (camera pans to show michl in her council polo looking accusingly at me with mild reproach saying 'why didn't you reply to all the questions about your comp?!'. imagine rat kiley in o'brein saying 'you dumb cooze'. that sort of look.)
regarding the comp: suffice it to mention that the senior girls team did fairly well. i think i surprised myself too. as readers of another blog linked to this one might note, the canoeists didn't really prep up for this invitational.. so then. but i will say this. despite all negative feelings out there, i am proud of our team. we weren't expecting anything, and nobody was expecting anything from us. but we went out and rowed and gave it all we had. to me, no matter what position acjc came in, i truly believe that we whacked hard and soared. i pray that we will keep flying high.
meanwhile as your gp rep, i feel compelled to remind you all to do
your
gp
homework.
there. i said it. now khemani can't kill me.
one and all, do try to survive the next few days. may we reunite on a monday morning in the hall, tired, burnt, but alive and in singapore.
happy respite.

stella stopped your world at 10:54 AM

haha..i jus wrote a really long post!! and it was in proper paragraphs too ok!! (how many times have u seen me type with such coherence!!!)
oh well, it's gone!

anyway, it was essentially my whining about sulynn having portrayed me as such a sissy! me? getting all upset over a blog post? would i??? and other rhetorical cum ironic statements like that. well, spent my morning with this kindly doctor who prescribed me vitamins (they look like red m&ms) and who, in his own words, 'for one day, i'm going to play psychiatrist!' what a funny man.. he told me to indulge in the ARTS (hmmm) and to take a step backwards at what i'm doin... and on the bus, i bumped into my really old friend on the bus (rachel liew!!).. i had lunch with my slacker j3 friend..who managed to snatch 3As from the powers that be and heard a story of some pseduo-chinese school's humanities scheme...

well, each incident triggered off some perverse reflection: (but i'm not going to share it here because on second thoughts, it's not the kind of thing that ppl want to hear, jus reinforces what has been on our/my mind for so long...jus infer lar if u're really that bored.. haha..)

i feel much better this morning..maybe it's cos my dad managed to get earlier tickets so i'll be leaving in 2 hours! won't be back til sunday night/monday morning 1am!!..(hopefully in time for orientation) but u can contact me at my hp no... 945blahblah.. yups. do enlighten me about what homework i have..really! i do hope to revel in my lust for learning (haha...hear that yi na?) and.. update on the blog how the canoeeeein went!!!

and since i wasn't there yesterday, these are my two squeaks:
row row row ur boat, fastly down the stream...
throw your teacher overboard
and then u'll hear her scream!!!!
(a delightful kindergarten favourite! my teacher went pale when she heard us singing that.)

lastly, i jus haf to say this: read, rest and relax! the 3rs rock! but not as much as... well, REDUCE, REUSE and RECYCLE! haha!!! fine fine, one more R for the holidays.. rite!! rite on the blog! rite those s-a-s!! rigGHt on~!!

xincity stopped your world at 8:30 PM

i don't know what to say. stella, did i really sadden you to the point of not coming to school? was it my fault you weren't there for me to give the gp package to this morning?
being frank. being blunt. i'm sorry class, but i don't like to sugarcoat my words. i don't believe in making anything seem better than it actually is; especially something like this that touches all of us. i love this class. i do. i love this class with all its idiosyncracies and faults and facets. maybe i wouldn't die for it like i would for the canoeing team, but i would certainly whack upside the head with a spiky stick anyone who disses or attacks the class. its a sort of fierce protective love. and in a different way, i love all of you for being you, even when certain members of the class cause me to scream "fish!", lock me out of class, steal my bananas, eat my sweets, etc.
but i just don't see why we live in this fairytale idea of a united class, and then wonder why our science equivalents seem to fare so well without pressure.
if i've hurt anybody by my previous post, i am truly sorry. especially to stella. i knew the reactions wouldn't be pretty, but i wasn't quite expecting this. maybe i shouldn't criticise when i have no specific solution in mind. i am sorry. maybe i shouldn't have posted that one. but i can't take back the words after the wounds have been dealt.
to 2AH. this morning, when you sang 'row, row, row your boat' as yina and i left class, that was the sweetest, most wonderful thing you could have done at the moment. even if i don't make it for the finals on sunday, or screw up my other race tomorrow, that i will remember forever. it is for reasons like this that i would fight for the class, even with all my other scruples.
you want something to work with? you want something fufilling? then start caring. love your neighbour as yourself.

hello. i haven't posted here before, always having been a silent but present reader of this blog. but i can't help myself this time round because i believe strongly in some things which i think have to be said.

like sulynn has said, in more eloquent terms than i can manage, our class is pretty self-absorbed. for all our exclamations and verifications of the class spirit we have that unites each member to an abstract whole, we seem more often than not like separate individuals each concerned merely with our separate lives and goals. obviously we cannot be one and the same, that would shortchange our own individuality. but i think there has been a lot said about class spirit and less evidence to show for it. perhaps it is simply from my perspective, but after all this is what my entry is about isn't it, my view on the way things are. to my mind, the way things are right now is disappointing, in the wake of funorama. we cheer people on their good grades, but at the same time we reek of envy, of jealousy. and in the same moment we wish we could be so damned smart. its a natural reaction, i suppose, but it is also a result of inherent competitiveness. shove that, like sulynn suggested. i think we can do so much more if we learn from each other. more importantly, if we support each other.

more than the straight As, i think it's important to ask ourselves What Do We Want Out of Our JC Education. i'm sure we aren't such empty, meaningless people driven merely for the results, the eventual A on that sheet of paper. perhaps you can find purpose in the enjoyment of your studies, of acquiring knowledge. perhaps you can find purpose in your cca. perhaps it is in the sharing of experiences with friends. for some, the class is a place where real friendships, bonds can be made. why use it merely as a tool for sitting through your lessons. just a group of people you move around with. it can be so much more than that.

my last point. (you guys are probably sick of me already) i think stella has it right when she said that giving yourself to your community can be fulfilling. i found it fulfilling last year when i took a kid for tuition. there is much joy in helping others. it is NOT a waste of time. drag yourself out of that self-absorbed hole you've dug for yourself. giving part of yourself to others is part of completing yourself as an individual.

goodnight everyone. we (sulynn me and the canoeists) have a competition over the weekend. happy holidays.

stella stopped your world at 7:25 PM

(quote) congratulations to everyone.. we really showed everyone what the graduating class of 2003 is made of and that AH isnt the only visible arts class around in AC. (unquote)

some people hurt us so and i don't even know why.

i r eally feel like cr ying no w.

idon'tunderstand
i don' t un der stand
i do n't want to knOw
i don't want to stay long enough
i dont wa nt to t h i nk about wh a t 's go in g on
how do u waAnt me to help u he l p me help ur s e lf
ca n u like g i v e me a c on cre te wa y of rea ch i n g ouut
i am ju s g o in g to do my e 8 i am go in g to eat din n er
and i wa nt to go to a u s t ra li a i wa nt to go ho me
what do u want me to do h ow
su ch a re the dy na mics of the cla s s an d we a r e
w e a re goin g to be pro t e c ted are u sure
this is pr ot e cti on mr ngoei??
is in st il ling. no en forcing. no. discipl in e.
mak e us c om e to s chool make us do o u r work
tak e re s p on si bil i ty fo r ou r selves
don' t all o w me to give m y self an e x cu se for
sl ac k in g ? ?!
is it re all y sl ac k ing i don' t disgui se it in
e u p h e mism s oh come on
i do n ' t nee d a n other pep ta lk
i do n't kno w wa d i need ei ther
i am in sp ire d a n d i ha v e sel f con fi den ce
rea lly !! !

ah ha. so th at's my bit d one.
i al wa ys fee l that the fi r st step to
he l p ing others is by le t t ing ever y one kn ow
h o w u feel m a y be u would on e day te l l me..
wri tE? i thiN K not. sulynn,
i would app rec iate and i w oul d try
to take time out of my l i fe jus to lis t e n to...
how u wan t to ch a ng e the wo rl d.
a f ter all, i n thi s so lip sistic ego ist ic ph a s e o f our life
sc hool i s the wor l d to me.

it ' s ma de me realis e that ge ttin gless than 3 as
is u se less . sa d, but t rue.
1,000 ppl g et 4 as. so me o f us d on't do 4 sub j ects eve n.
( o, how i w an t to drop hi s o r too b u t t ha t 's g i ving up )
and wh en a l l ar ou nd u pp l are d ropping s papers ( bi g deal h u h?)
wh yw hy ... i wi sh every one coul d push the m selves
ju s t that litt l e more..
that w ay.. we can all go a bi t mo ree

and u k now what, i d on' t care a bout cl Ass or gani sed cip..
u gu y s wil l never ha ve t the a bility ( will i n g ness can g et A***)
t o do a n y thing as a class un l e ss i t' s stip ul ated in ur agend a ( thinK: fun o r a ma)
a nd i d on' t blam e u!!!!
so fo r u r o wn sak e,
p l e ase per form the altru istic giving back to society
it makes l i fe jus tha tb it more m ean ing fuLL.

s o t ell m e, s u l ynn,
g i ve me s om ething t o w ork with,
s o me thing that w e can do to make a h that bit better.
we ain' t the on ly c la ss in a cj with pro blems
(DEFINITELY NOT)
but w e cAN be THE clas s that triEs the h a r de st
woo HOoo.

anti-THEestablismentarianism.

xincity stopped your world at 8:57 PM

dear all. in the wake of yet another soul-stirring pep talk by our very own mr ngoei.
in a fairly futile bid to set the parameters of this piece, this will aim to focus on what we know as pressure. should you be unable to comprehend this word (and having been in AH for nearly a year and half, if you don't... well then), please imagine the following scenario: find a chameleon. hotwire its brain into thinking that it can only change its skin to black and that it must fufil this condition at all costs. now put it on a scottish tartan cloth and switch on multicolour disco strobe lights.
you see?
we've all been down that same sort of sad road many, many times. being forced to believe that we had to become what people wanted us to be. trying to bob above the hectic waves of JC-dom and choking on flying time's spume, drowing because we had various weights labelled CCA, CCA, another CCA, S-PAPER, 4SUBJECTS, SOCIAL LIFE, etc tied to our feet. how many of us stay up on all night mugging marathons? how often did we go on all night mugging marathons? how often, when our results came back, did we gaze in numbed despair at grades less than most, trying to ignore the jubilant celebrations of others in the background? we all hate it when AH is singled out as a chao mugger class. we hate it when teachers (plays gloria in excelsis deo) tell us that we are AH, that we should know/do/be/score/write/mug better. we hate it when other classes go "haiyo, you're in AH! sure pass/score/do well/make it!". its a vicious and awful game we are playing with the establishment and with our souls. but willing or not, we have to go with the system before we can beat it and transcend the manacles of MOE education.
what bothers me is this:
despite all our noble proclaimations of class spirit (which resides in an empty absolut vodka bottle in justin's house when not in use. people do get high on it after all.) and going on about the need for us to be there for each other, we aren't. or is it that when people want to help, we lie through our teeth and mutter that all's well when in fact, the bridges of sanity are burning down? maybe its both ways, and i won't pretend i haven't been guilty of either. look at us. we've lost two to the stranglehold of the AH branding (and petty competitions among ourselves for the highest grades that we deny having). we're not hardworking. we're not muggers. we're just people frantically beavering away at the books and all because we are afraid of losing out, of appearing less intelligent than expected to be. tim o'brien had it right. people do things they don't want to do out of embarassment.
face it AH. we can't go on like this. maybe i can't either. i've had two nervous breakdowns to date, which my canoeing mates brought me out of. its rather ironic that the one who threw me the lifejacket of peoplewhoarethereforyou is a science fac girl, who didn't know a thing about what specifically was killing me (it was history, as amy ng knows). it is stupid, that we turn to those outside the class (council, teachers, cca, friends elsewhere) for help, or don't turn for help at all. and we wonder why we couldn't get the class to come together initially for fun-o-rama. here's a hint: it was directly after the promos.
if we, as a class, can't help each other then nobody can. there has to be some way of stopping the inferiority complexes. the silent pleas for help. there has to be some way of breaking down the ultimate barrier that prevents us from uniting as a class. maybe we should stop competing with each other, and instead start helping each other to bring out the best we have. maybe we should be less uptight. maybe we should motivate each other. i don't know.
if the flame we lit during fun-o-rama dies now, we will all be flumbling, cursing, and crying in the darkness of the shadow of the a's. don't let it happen.